so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
