im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
