Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
