Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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