the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Green mimosas i think yes
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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