Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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