just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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