Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
