My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We left the knife in your bed.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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