from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
