I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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