Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
