there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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