College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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