There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
