My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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