He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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