Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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