You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
