just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
