you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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