i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
