i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she peed on how many people?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
