saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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