Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
