The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
