Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
