I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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