I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
