The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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