im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
