You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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