Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You are the jesus of drinking
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
