new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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