Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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