My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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