ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
