So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
