so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
