His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
