You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
