You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
