you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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