her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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