Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
