drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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