jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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