dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
