Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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