I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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